That's Just Who I Am

This past weekend was perfect.  My sister-in-law and good friend, Kristin, got married.  The weather was fantastic, the bride was breath taking, the company was amazing, the emotions overwhelming and the memories, unforgettable.  As I clicked through the pictures posted online this morning, I relived the entire day.  With every click, I saw that each picture captured the moments and told the story of Kristin and Dennis’s special day.  And then I got to thinking, the wedding day was more than just a story of their love…it was a story of their lives.  From the rehearsal dinner, the bridal party, the ceremony, the toasts, the colors of the dresses, to the food, the first dance, the venue and the spirit and mood, their wedding day was a true reflection of who they are.  Sharing in their special day had me reminiscing about my own wedding day and was a true reminder of just who I am.

The New Mr. & Mrs. Dennis Urbanek

For those who don’t know me, my name is Ashley Pavicic and I am a 27 year old wife, mom, daughter, sister, cousin, friend, homeowner, dog owner and teacher.  Really, the roles are endless.  I grew up knowing that my future would be in teaching.  So, it was no surprise to anyone that I received my degree in Education from Mount Union College in the Spring of 2007.  I followed in the footsteps of my all-time favorite teacher and now colleague and friend, Dr. Colleen Blaurock.  It turns out that this was one of the best decisions I ever made – not only because I enjoy going to work every day, but because this decision led me to find complete happiness in the love of my life, Paul Pavicic, Jr. 

Paul and I met a few times in passing during my sister’s basketball season (he was her coach), but I never paid much attention.  I was busy with school and he was busy with work and basketball; and so we didn’t really talk much.  It wasn’t until the pursuit of my Spanish Teaching degree took me to Costa Rica for a summer abroad when the emails began.  During my time in Central America, we emailed back and forth and what seemed to be an innocent request for a “Costa Rican coin for his collection” turned into daily – sometimes twice daily – emails getting to know one and other.  When I finally arrived home to the states, I carried his requested “colón” and a hand painted shot glass as a gift on our first date.  I guess you could pretty much say that the rest is history.  Since that first date in August of 2005, I don’t know that there has been a day where we haven’t talked in some way (cell phone, text, email or in person)!

On December 5, 2008 (his birthday), Paul asked for the best birthday gift that money could never buy, my hand in marriage!  In downtown Cleveland’s Public Square, holiday lights twinkling in the background and bellies full from a dinner at Flannery’s (the location of our first “date”), Paul got down on one knee and popped the question.  Naturally, I said “yes” – and the date was set for December 19^th, 2009.  After four years of dating, we were ready to be husband and wife. 

As if the stress of planning a wedding wasn’t enough, Paul and I also put the priority of buying a house onto our already full plate.  With the new home buyer’s tax credit incentive, we couldn’t resist.  So, we set out with our realtor every free minute we had (bless her heart).  We learned a lot about each other from that experience.  Paul quickly learned that I have difficulty making decisions because, well, I just can see the potential in everything!  And I quickly learned that Paul had difficulty making decisions because he’s an intense researcher, a perfectionist, a man who knows exactly what he wants and has the patience to wait for it.  That being said, we finally found a middle ground and came across the perfect house.  It was a little bigger than a traditional starter home. It was clean.  The neighborhood was quiet and quaint.  It was “it.”  And so, we placed our bid and one month before our wedding, November 15, 2009, our realtor handed us the keys, the moving truck was packed and in the driveway of our new home and our friends and family were there to help us unload.  We were ready to begin the new chapter!

TLC Moves It setting us up in our new home.  Thanks, Daddy!

Just like Kristin and Dennis’s, our wedding day was amazing.  So many people (around 350, in fact) joined to celebrate our union as husband and wife!  It was wonderful to celebrate our love.  Since it was so close to Christmas, we didn’t want to rush our honeymoon, so we decided our trip to Europe (Spain, in particular) would wait until summer vacation when I wasn’t teaching and we could spend more than a week.  Instead, that intense, researcher, knows exactly what he wants, patient, husband of mine, did something completely out of character.  He found an advertisement for puppies in the newspaper and dragged me across town to Avon Lake to see seven week old Yellow Labrador Retrievers (did he think I would leave without one???).  And so, on December 22, 2009, three days after our wedding, The Pavicic Family grew by four paws and Bernie Pavicic came into our new home.

Bernie Pavicic

The transition was not easy.  We were in a new home, we were newly married and we had this cute, furry, four-legged friend running our lives.  (For the sake of hurting Bernie’s feelings, I will leave out the paragraph about how Paul wanted to give him back because he was worried he was going to be too big for our house!  Obviously, I did not let this happen!).  Just when Paul and I finally thought our lives could slow down a bit, I discovered and delivered the shocking news to Paul…you guessed it!  I was PREGNANT with Baby Pavicic #1!

And so, shortly after writing out the thank you notes for our Wedding Day, my family was on to planning the next event, a baby shower for our growing family.  The estimated due date for this baby was September 12, 2010.  Nearly nine months to the day after our wedding!  My pregnancy was actually wonderful.  Aside from the normal (at least, I think normal), difficulty with watching your body grow and change, I felt good.   For the first six months, I never really even felt pregnant.  I wasn’t tired, I wasn’t extra hungry, I wasn’t feeling anything but normal!  Of course, you could see my bulging belly – but it really didn’t feel much different.  Things were going awesome.  And then it happened...

The morning after celebrating my sister’s 21^st birthday, I woke up to something not so normal – blood – and lots of it.  This of course sent me into a panic.  I put in a call to the doctor she calmly sent us off to the maternity ward where I could be evaluated.  Contractions?  Nope – didn’t feel any.  Pain?  Nope – didn’t have any.  I felt fine; however, something was definitely wrong.  After being examined I was told that I was 3 ½ centimeters dilated.  I didn’t know it, but I was in labor.

Daddy giving Baby Pavicic #1 a thumbs up!

I got my first (and hopefully last) ambulance ride that day.  Paul, my rock through it all, was with me in the front seat.  He talked to me and kept me calm.   I was transported to Hillcrest Hospital where the NICU was waiting for us to arrive.  After a few shots, some strong medicines and five days in the hospital, the contractions and labor were stopped.  This baby was hanging out for a few more weeks – in the womb – but not without five weeks of intense bed rest, weekly contraction monitoring and of course, many “Ashley Sitters.”  Finally, at 37 weeks and 1 day, an acceptable time to make an entrance, Baby Pavicic #1 joined the world.  Clocking in at 6lbs, 12 ½ oz, 19 ½ inches long, baby boy, Thomas Paul Pavicic was welcomed with open arms into The Pavicic Family on August 23^rd, 2010 at 9:04 p.m.  My world was forever changed.  I was now a mom.

Thomas Paul Pavicic 8.23.10 <3

In December, it will have been three years since I married the love of my life and had my piece of heaven for a day like Kristin.  It will have been three years since Bernie graced our presence.  And, in less than two months, August, it will have been two years since that little boy rocked my world.  And I mean, rocked it.  But, truth be told, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the entire world!  It hasn’t been easy to become a wife, a homeowner, a dog owner or a mother in the past few years.  However, all of these experiences have made me thankful.  I am thankful for the character that they have built, the strength they have given, and the love they have afforded me.  

So, yeah, I can be a little crazy.  I know I can be difficult.  I have trouble concentrating at times.  My house isn’t painted or decorated to perfection and neither am I.  I have stretch marks and I am not the size I was on my wedding day.  I often wear my hair in a pony tail, my staple make up product is mascara and instead of a purse I carry a clutch that fits inside my diaper bag.  My facebook pictures are almost always of my Tommy.  I would rather spend money on clothes or fun stuff for my boy than a hair style or a new outfit for me.  My living room is almost always cluttered with toys and my DVR is filled with Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  I haven’t seen a gym in three years.  If I want to exercise, I just chase Tommy around a little faster than normal or we go for a walk or jog in the stroller.  If I’m really feeling like an arm workout, I pull the wagon.  Instead of dinner dates, play dates fill my calendar and I sign up for things like Tumble Tots, Soccer and Mommy and Me Swimming Lessons.  I pretend and play make believe…a lot.  Is it all easy?  Absolutely not!  But then again, what in life really is?

Some days its easy to get overwhelmed.  And, writing this narrative really made me think about who I have become in the past few years.  I have changed a lot.  I’ve reprioritized.  I’ve become more self-less and less selfish.  I’ve learned to take each day as it comes…more so, every hour, minute and second.  I have learned to live in the moments and savor the memories.  And although the responsibilites are many, I guess its because that’s just who I am.

Our Happy Family.  Established 12.19.09

Control Freak!

Ok, so I know I am a Mommy when:

These things adorn my night stand…

I make lists like these (which, by the way, never seem to go as planned)…

AND, I spend my days snapping pictures of this handsome little face (and can’t resist sending them out to my family or posting them to my Facebook page)!

Referring to picture #2 (the lists), you’ll notice that on Monday, Tommy began his first session of Tumble Tots.  There were rings and mats and bars and spring boards and toys and kids, everywhere.  Miss Marsha started our session by telling us the ins-and-outs, learning names and reminding us to let our children explore, experiment, fall, get up and do it all over again.  Oh, and she also told us not to be “that” parent – you know, the one that hovers over their child, rushes to their side when their knee barely skims the ground or gasps as he falls to the floor.  At least I think her message went a little something like that…but, pssst, I was barely listening because I was chasing Tommy around, making him put down the toys, and leading him out of the paths of other children.  Why listen anyway, because of course, I am totally NOT “that” parent.   

The first session went fairly smoothly.  Tommy really enjoyed the rings and I was impressed with his strength.  He actually let go and just hung from them!  We tried getting him to do a “tuck and roll” (summersault as we all know it) and he gave it a valiant effort; however, I’m not sure he’s heading to the Olympics anytime soon.  Aside from a few mis-fires when he was throwing the balls from the ball pit and needing a little re-directing from the “danger zones”, overall, Tommy was awesome.  He was a decent listener, his skills seemed about average in comparison to others his age and oh, did I mention he was exhausted from an hour of extreme play time?  So, after class ended, we made our way home, ate lunch, and my little man drifted fast asleep.

As nap time ended, Tommy was fully recharged and ready to play.  He quickly earned himself a time-out for his new favorite “no-no” – hitting Mommy.  He seems to think it’s funny to smack me in the head.  And not just with one hand, with two.  I’m not sure why he does this!  I can hypothesize that he likes the reaction out of me.  He hits me, I tell him “no” and that it hurts Mommy, and he goes in time out.  (Sidenote: Time Outs last only about one-two minutes in our house.  I don’t know what the protocol is in your home – but a minute feels like an eternity to me, so I keep it simple.)  When his time out was up, I went in, he told me he was sorry, he told me why he was in time out, then buried his arms around my neck in a hugs and planted a big kiss on my lips and said his favorite line, “Hold you, Mommy.  Hold, you!!!”  I picked him up and cradled him on my hip.  We were ready to start over.

It wasn’t long before he earned himself time-out number two for the afternoon.  This time, it was for throwing his toys at the dog (did I mention he has wicked strength for a 21 and ½ month old?).  Again, I can hypothesize that he likes the reaction and the attention he gets when he does this.  So, I took him back to time out where we repeated the process above. 

Since Monday, my angelic Tommy has been in time out several times for similar offenses.  It has been a trying week.  And so, today, I got to thinking…no matter where we are, it seems like as hard as I try not to, I am doing EXACTLY what Miss Marsha told me not to do.  I’m this giant tower always looming over him, asking him nicely to eat his lunch, offering to hold his hand as he goes up and down the two steps from the deck to the pack yard, kindly suggesting that he stay out of the sprinkler and the dirt (because, heaven forbid I need to wash the new sandals we just bought), taking away Daddy’s shovel because Mommy thinks it’s too big for him to be pushing around, offering to help him turn around to go down the slide the “right” way, showing him how to organize his toys, where he should place his car on the race track…wow, need I continue this list?  I think I’ve found the problem and spelled it out quite clearly.  I am a CONTROL FREAK…but then again, what parent isn’t?  Right? 

I want my kid to be perfect.  I admire his innocence.  I know and nurture his strengths.  I try to build up his weaknesses.  I want him to avoid getting hurt – whether its his body or his heart – because when he hurts, I hurt.  I want him to make only good decisions.  In fact, I don’t want him to have the choice to make a bad decision.  Truth be told, I would like him to live in a bubble.  A bubble in which I control the temperature, the choices, the friends, well, the everything.

As awesome as that sounds, I realize that it is not reality.  So, while I cannot control “the everything” that my Tommy does…I can control how he learns and grows from the experiences that he has and the decisions that he makes.  Maybe I can start letting go of the small things like the pushing Daddy’s big shovel around or tramping through the mud in those new shoes.   And I can probably start to get over the fact that he will probably fall, scrape his knee or elbow (or both) a few dozen times.  I don’t know that a Mom can really ever stop being a CONTROL FREAK when it comes to their child – but I will make an effort to remember that even the minor choices he makes and lessons he learns now, will help him down the road.

The Best Things in Life Aren't Things...

As my birthday comes to a close, I find myself reflecting on my many birthday celebrations of the past twenty-seven years. I catch myself looking back to my 10th birthday when my heart raced with excitement as I set up the karaoke machine and serenaded my 4th grade crush wearing a Tweety-Bird bathing suit and some terribly hideous jean shorts. I remember my 16th birthday when, by the grace of God, I somehow managed to pass my driving test (I do think that Tommy’s Daddy STILL wonders if that should have ever happened). I barely remember my 21st birthday. And of course, there was my 25th birthday when I really knew I was Tommy’s Mommy as I proudly carried him beneath my maternity tank top and shorts. No matter which year, each birthday brought the same sense of excitement and the anticipation always built as the calendar flipped to June. This birthday was no exception.

June 8, 2012 marked my 27th birthday and brought excitement for the beginning and end of a few things: the end of my teaching year (actually, the FIFTH of my career), the beginning of a summer filled with Tommy, the beginning of more time to spend with family and friends, the end of sending Tommy off to the babysitter (at least till August), the end of early morning wake-ups, the beginning of warm weather…oh, and I shouldn’t forget, the beginning of this special blog.

This morning, I woke up at 7:15 to my baby boy yelling my name – he was ready to get out of bed and get our day started. He requested a quick “rocky, rocky” in the chair and a “snuggle” in Mommy and Daddy’s bed before we headed downstairs to have some chocolate milk and Mickey Mouse. It wasn’t long before Tommy’s Auntie Hope returned to our house with a delicious, celebratory, Raspberry Mocha and Coffee Cake and… Polito Landscaping was knocking at our door, pulling their trucks in the driveway and beautifying our entire front and back yards. Tommy’s Daddy gave me a big birthday hug and headed out the door to work. And with that, my birthday had already taken off…and to a pretty awesome start.

Cards had arrived in the mail throughout the week. Phone calls and texts buzzed in during the day. Facebook kept notifying me that people were “posting” birthday messages on my wall. Neighbors, co-workers, friends and family members were taking time out of their busy day to let me know that they were thinking about me. Not only did I receive calls, texts and messages, our family came over to enjoy a Mitchell’s Ice Cream Pie…and they so kindly came bearing gifts. The gifts were amazing. A sewing machine. A home decoration. A bike trailer. A piece of my fine china. A gift card. And the cards, oh, the cards! Each card I read was so sweet and thoughtful. I really felt loved. Everyone was really pulling at Tommy’s Mommy’s heartstrings this birthday.

The messages, the cards, the gifts, the company all made me swell with gratitude…and, there
was one birthday gift that could not be topped!

 

Thank you, Tommy's Cousin, Jessie Bagwell (Soon to be McCarntey), for asking me to serve as the Maid of Honor for your wedding day. I am glowing with excitement to be able to play such a special role in making your day complete.  Seeing you so excited and happy has been yet another gift. 

And so...every year I will reflect upon my birthdays...and this year, #27, will mark one of those "major" life events when I can honestly say that I feel so incredibly loved. Thank you, friends and family, for the confirmation in Art Buchwald's famous quote, "The best things in life aren't things." Its been an amazing 27th birthday. It won't forget it.