Control Freak!

Ok, so I know I am a Mommy when:

These things adorn my night stand…

I make lists like these (which, by the way, never seem to go as planned)…

AND, I spend my days snapping pictures of this handsome little face (and can’t resist sending them out to my family or posting them to my Facebook page)!

Referring to picture #2 (the lists), you’ll notice that on Monday, Tommy began his first session of Tumble Tots.  There were rings and mats and bars and spring boards and toys and kids, everywhere.  Miss Marsha started our session by telling us the ins-and-outs, learning names and reminding us to let our children explore, experiment, fall, get up and do it all over again.  Oh, and she also told us not to be “that” parent – you know, the one that hovers over their child, rushes to their side when their knee barely skims the ground or gasps as he falls to the floor.  At least I think her message went a little something like that…but, pssst, I was barely listening because I was chasing Tommy around, making him put down the toys, and leading him out of the paths of other children.  Why listen anyway, because of course, I am totally NOT “that” parent.   

The first session went fairly smoothly.  Tommy really enjoyed the rings and I was impressed with his strength.  He actually let go and just hung from them!  We tried getting him to do a “tuck and roll” (summersault as we all know it) and he gave it a valiant effort; however, I’m not sure he’s heading to the Olympics anytime soon.  Aside from a few mis-fires when he was throwing the balls from the ball pit and needing a little re-directing from the “danger zones”, overall, Tommy was awesome.  He was a decent listener, his skills seemed about average in comparison to others his age and oh, did I mention he was exhausted from an hour of extreme play time?  So, after class ended, we made our way home, ate lunch, and my little man drifted fast asleep.

As nap time ended, Tommy was fully recharged and ready to play.  He quickly earned himself a time-out for his new favorite “no-no” – hitting Mommy.  He seems to think it’s funny to smack me in the head.  And not just with one hand, with two.  I’m not sure why he does this!  I can hypothesize that he likes the reaction out of me.  He hits me, I tell him “no” and that it hurts Mommy, and he goes in time out.  (Sidenote: Time Outs last only about one-two minutes in our house.  I don’t know what the protocol is in your home – but a minute feels like an eternity to me, so I keep it simple.)  When his time out was up, I went in, he told me he was sorry, he told me why he was in time out, then buried his arms around my neck in a hugs and planted a big kiss on my lips and said his favorite line, “Hold you, Mommy.  Hold, you!!!”  I picked him up and cradled him on my hip.  We were ready to start over.

It wasn’t long before he earned himself time-out number two for the afternoon.  This time, it was for throwing his toys at the dog (did I mention he has wicked strength for a 21 and ½ month old?).  Again, I can hypothesize that he likes the reaction and the attention he gets when he does this.  So, I took him back to time out where we repeated the process above. 

Since Monday, my angelic Tommy has been in time out several times for similar offenses.  It has been a trying week.  And so, today, I got to thinking…no matter where we are, it seems like as hard as I try not to, I am doing EXACTLY what Miss Marsha told me not to do.  I’m this giant tower always looming over him, asking him nicely to eat his lunch, offering to hold his hand as he goes up and down the two steps from the deck to the pack yard, kindly suggesting that he stay out of the sprinkler and the dirt (because, heaven forbid I need to wash the new sandals we just bought), taking away Daddy’s shovel because Mommy thinks it’s too big for him to be pushing around, offering to help him turn around to go down the slide the “right” way, showing him how to organize his toys, where he should place his car on the race track…wow, need I continue this list?  I think I’ve found the problem and spelled it out quite clearly.  I am a CONTROL FREAK…but then again, what parent isn’t?  Right? 

I want my kid to be perfect.  I admire his innocence.  I know and nurture his strengths.  I try to build up his weaknesses.  I want him to avoid getting hurt – whether its his body or his heart – because when he hurts, I hurt.  I want him to make only good decisions.  In fact, I don’t want him to have the choice to make a bad decision.  Truth be told, I would like him to live in a bubble.  A bubble in which I control the temperature, the choices, the friends, well, the everything.

As awesome as that sounds, I realize that it is not reality.  So, while I cannot control “the everything” that my Tommy does…I can control how he learns and grows from the experiences that he has and the decisions that he makes.  Maybe I can start letting go of the small things like the pushing Daddy’s big shovel around or tramping through the mud in those new shoes.   And I can probably start to get over the fact that he will probably fall, scrape his knee or elbow (or both) a few dozen times.  I don’t know that a Mom can really ever stop being a CONTROL FREAK when it comes to their child – but I will make an effort to remember that even the minor choices he makes and lessons he learns now, will help him down the road.